water cooler :: Jokes



I thought we might need a good humor thread, so lets hear some jokes!  Try and keep them clean.  I'll start it off.


Quote

MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he?
MAN: He's at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy.

The next day, the man returns.
MAN: I'd like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Well...where is he?
MAN: He's at home!
CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat.

The next day the man returns.
CHECKOUT LADY: What's in the sack?
MAN: Put your hand inside.
CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm...It's warm and moist! What is it?
MAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper.

This joke was found at http://jokes.comedycentral.com/jokeOfDay.asp.
In an alternate Windows XP reality (nightmare?) one Saturday afternoon, I went off to K-Mart to buy myself a new television. When I got back home, I found that I couldn't get in my house, the lock had changed.
lol  :D  crazy world.

Here's another one.

Idiot Sightings


IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "too many deer were being hit by cars" and he didn't want them to cross there anymore. (This one was from Kingman, KS.)

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had Iceberg lettuce. (And he was a Kansas City chef!)

IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask." (Happened in Birmingham, Ala.)

IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!" (She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS)

IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun! We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. (This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.)

IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. (A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office no less.)

IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side." (This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi!)
Text editor pretending to be a word processor, i.e., no tables.
Quote: The box said, requires windows 98 or better, so I installed linux.
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